Insomnia
by xXxNeonSoundxXx
Summary: It's been a while since [Name] has had a decent night of rest and it's beginning to show. Turns out falling asleep and staying asleep are a lot harder than they seem. Despite not being worried about her initially, Toudou still takes the time to talk with her early one cold morning when he finds her alone and vulnerable. [Platonic!Toudou x Reader]


The wind rustled the flowing curtains through the opened window, allowing some of the cool night air through to the stuffy room. Outside, the moon was high in its arching path, its luminescent glow causing objects beneath it to cast fading shadows along the ground. Stars were twinkling, looking as if they were blinking in and out of existence with the way they dimmed and brightened rhythmically against their inky black backdrop that was the night sky. There weren't very many clouds loitering that night and the few that were present were mere wisps that blew along with the wind, traveling elsewhere before they could disappear with the rising sun hours from now.

Mixing in with the whistling breeze, a symphony of night life was being orchestrated. Crickets could be heard clearly, their soulful tune echoing slightly as they communicated with each other via song. Every so often their melody would be interrupted by the swooping sound of wings gliding on air and the gentle cry of an owl as it dove for a midnight snack. The scattering of small paws would follow shortly after, a mix of miscellaneous nocturnal creatures scampering away before they became the bird of prey's next meal.

Night life certainly was different.

That was a prominent thought that spun circles in [Name]'s head amongst the many others that were colliding around in the space between her ears. The contrast between day and night was vast and highly noticeable, especially when one was away from the hustle and bustle of the city. With the city came simple luxuries like streetlamps, roaming cars with bright headlights, and reliable electricity—all things that could distract a person from what should have been obvious differences; however, being out in the mountains made [Name] hyperaware of the absence of those luxuries. It was darker here and the nights were colder, freezing almost. Despite the beautifully captivating scenery outside the dining room's window, she couldn't help shake the feeling of vulnerability.

"Oh, [Name], it's just you."

The sudden voice behind her, breaking through what had been such a comfortable silence, startled [Name]. Turning quickly and barely avoiding accidently stumbling over the chair she had been leaning against, she turned to face the newcomer. She could feel the mug that she held in her hands lurch with her, the liquid inside sloshing a bit and dribbling down the sides of the ceramic; she had been standing still watching the wildlife for so long, she hadn't even noticed when her hot chocolate had gone lukewarm.

"Toudou," she breathed, taking a fraction of a second to put a name to the face she had only recently learned to memorize. He was a part of Hakone's cycling team, an eccentric and egotistical boy on a team already full of colorful personalities, but the thing she remembered the most was that he was one of Makishima's good friends.

[Name] watched as the cyclist's eyes blinked a few more times, no doubt still adjusting to the faint light that the moon outside was barely able to squeeze through the window. Combined with the dim, flickering bulb of the lamp she had turned on, [Name] was sure he was having a hard time seeing anything farther than a few feet in front of his face. A frown was marring his face, making him look much more serious than she'd ever seen him, but that expression was heavily contrasted by the simple T-shirt and shorts that he'd obviously been wearing to bed. They were wrinkled here and there, making her wonder if he often tossed around in his sleep. The next noise that came from him was a stifled yawn and it reminded [Name] that any normal person would be asleep at this hour.

"What are you doing up?" [Name]'s eyes slid over to the clock that was hanging on the opposite wall. She could barely make out the black analogue arms against the white surface, but if she squinted hard enough she could guess that it was nearing two in the morning.

"I could ask you the same thing," he responded slowly, running a hand through the bangs that spilled across his face. For the first time, [Name] noticed that he wasn't wearing his usual headband—his hair seemed a lot longer when it wasn't held back.

Hesitating with her answer, [Name] fixed her gaze onto the dark liquid that swirled around in her mug. The miniature marshmallows she had placed in her hot chocolate, something she only did because it reminded her of the comforts of home, had already melted away, leaving behind a thin, filmy residue on the uppermost surface of her drink. She watched as the small bubbles danced around each other in the liquid before lifting the edge of the mug to her lips. Without taking a sip, she let the remaining warmth of her drink transfer much needed heat to the cool skin of her lips, aware that she had taken far too long to give Toudou the answer to his unasked question.

"I couldn't sleep."

By now, Toudou was able to see a little more clearly in the darkness that surrounded the two of them, his eyes adjusting to the lack of light. With a steady gaze, he studied [Name] and her posture, reading the way she held herself together. She was holding her arms close to her chest, mug resting up near her heart as she informally closed herself off from him—whether she was doing this on purpose or not, Toudou didn't know. Her sleeping attire, a form fitting camisole and a pair of loose gym shorts, looked almost as if they were only just put on, hinting at just how long she had been in bed. However, the more obvious clue to her lack of sleep were her eyes. With how deep the bags under her lids were, Toudou was surprised she wasn't falling asleep right then and there.

A soft hum escaped his lips and Toudou once again found himself brushing away his stray bangs—he wished he'd brought a headband along with him on his investigation. "You must be the friend Maki-chan is talking about."

A small jolt of surprise courses through [Name]'s veins at the mention of Makishima and she moves her stare away from her bittersweet drink toward the dark haired climber, eyes just barely more alert. Toudou is moving, noisily pulling out one of the dining room table's chairs before sitting down in it, one leg crossed over the other. The sound of wooden chair legs scraping against the floor grates on [Name]'s ears and, behind her through the open window, she can no longer hear the sound of the night life. Without being prompted, she takes a chair directly across from her midnight companion, realizing that her front row seat to the night's symphony would have to be saved for another time.

"Makishima talks about me?" Her voice is quiet, slightly unbelieving, and she has to repeat herself a bit louder in order to make sure she didn't imagine asking the question.

"Not about you directly, but he mentioned something about a friend of his being unable to sleep well lately." Toudou's eyes aren't on hers as he speaks. Instead, they're focused on his forefinger and the way it's twirling a single strand of his hair around in circles. He's sure that if he does this enough, it would force the small strand to curl. "This isn't the first time, right?"

For some reason, shame burns heavily on the apex of her cheeks and even though he isn't even looking directly at her, [Name] finds it hard to stare in Toudou's general direction. "No," she whispers, unsure if she should disclose just how often she would be up in the middle of the night, contemplating the very nature of life as the rest of the world slept on. How could she ever explain the multiple occasions where she would wake with a start, lungs gasping and greedily gulping down air, skin soaked with sweat, and eyes searching for a means of escape to an invisible danger?

Luckily for [Name], Toudou didn't press for more information. Instead, he merely pushed the conversation on. "It's not good to go without sleep for too long. It ruins your complexion." This time, his eyes did flicker toward her face for the briefest of seconds. She looked exhausted, nearly dead on her feet, but something told him that the small quip he'd made toward her appearance wouldn't affect her much. He tried a different tactic. "He's worried about you."

For the second time that night in such a short period, [Name] felt her skin tingle at the mere hint of Makishima being mentioned. Sure, she would talk with the green haired cyclist the most out of all the Sohoku third years and sure, he'd caught her traipsing around in the middle of the night on more than one occasion, but that combination of events couldn't add up to him worrying over her—not in her mind. Still, it felt nice to know she'd had a big enough impact on him that he'd need to talk with one of his good friends about her. It almost made up for the fact that she'd only made that impact due to her unfortunate predicament.

A heavy sigh escaped her lips and she absentmindedly began tapping her fingers against the ceramic of her mug, her nails making distinct tapping sounds against it. For a while, nothing but that noise filled the air between them, neither party willing to pick up the conversation where it had left off. Toudou had said his piece, leaving the bait for [Name] to grab and do with what she pleased. Only, she didn't know exactly what to do with this newfound information. Of course she didn't want Makishima to worry; he was a good friend—maybe something more—and he deserved to have a calm mind void of any thoughts about her that would cause him to fret. It wasn't like she could stop her late night rendezvous with nature though, for she had tried on multiple occasions only to end up with failure as her ultimate destination.

Ceasing her incessant tapping, [Name] locked eyes with her companion and dropped a question into the air. "How do you fall asleep, Toudou?"

She hadn't expected laughter as a response and she cringed as the sound of him penetrated the near silent room. "Beautifully, of course," he boasted, chest heaving as he continued to laugh for a few more seconds that seemed to be far too long for what was supposed to be a soundless night. Then, as if turning his attitude on a dime, he said seriously, "Maybe instead of asking yourself 'how can I sleep?' you should ask yourself, 'why can't I sleep?'"

Once again, [Name] was forced into silence. Her eyes tore away from Toudou's once more, looking anywhere but in his general direction. Her mind registered the shadows that her flickering lamp cast against the walls, morphing them into things that she wasn't sure she wanted to see. The images almost seemed to move, creeping in toward her and causing her to feel claustrophobic. Her heart raced as she was reminded of the images she would often see behind closed eyes. Shaking her head from side to side, trying desperately to rid herself of the awful memories, she stood from her seat and left her mug behind. The sound of her chair scraping against the floor barely registered in her mind as she made her way over to the flickering lamp. With a flick of the switch, she shut if off completely, consuming the room with darkness and scaring away the shadows.

"I see," Toudou hummed. He'd watched her throughout her little episode, taking note as her calm demeanor quickly morphed into panic. He could only assume what was running through her mind as she stood stock still next to the lamp, breathing heavily as if she'd just run a marathon. "Nightmares, huh?"

[Name] flinched, but still refused to give a proper answer; not until her heart had sufficiently calmed and her mouth could form coherent sentences once more. Inhaling through her nose and exhaling through her mouth in a certain rhythm, she counted to fifteen before she began to feel even remotely better. Taking a step away from the lamp, she didn't bother turning it back on; the light of the moon was more than enough for her to see by.

"I'm sorry."

"You know, you should talk to somebody," Toudou continued, completely ignoring [Name]'s apology as he moved the conversation forward. When her eyes, wide and desperate, met his own, he waved a dismissive hand in the air. "I don't mean me; we've only just met, so I doubt I'd be of any help. But maybe there's a friend you could talk to?"

The way his tone changed and his words held a certain inflection, [Name] knew what he was hinting at. Fundamentally, she knew that discussing her problem with someone could potentially help her heal; however, that didn't mean she felt right dragging another person into the hell she was being put through. Besides all that, she wasn't even sure if Makishima would care enough to listen to her woes. It all felt not worth the effort to [Name] every time she thought about bringing it up, so she always found herself giving up before even making an attempt.

As if reading her mind, Toudou rolled his eyes as he leaned forward in his seat to rest his chin against his propped up arm. This conversation was going on for far too long and he was beginning to grow more restless than before. His annoyance was evident in his tone as he spoke. "If he cares about you, he's going to listen." His eyes pierced through her and, despite their harshness, there was a smile on Toudou's face. "And trust me, he cares."

Another pregnant moment of silence filled the room as [Name] thought about what she just heard. Toudou was getting ready to repeat himself—this time with a much more forceful tone—when he was interrupted by a slight movement; a subtle nod of [Name]'s head.

"Thank you," she murmured.

Heavily, [Name] dropped back down into the chair she had left askew from the table, her hands once again finding her mug of lukewarm coco. She nodded to herself a few more times, repeating her thanks quietly and robotically. From what she could tell, Toudou seemed to know Makishima the best out of anyone. If he really could be so trusted, then she was sure that what he was saying could be true. The only way she would know for sure though would be to find out for herself.

Seeing the resolve in her eyes, Toudou found himself mimicking her motions, his own subtle nod working the tired muscles in his neck. [Name] was still shaken up over an invisible force that she wasn't willing to face, but she at least seemed somewhat ready to disclose her troubles with someone close to her. If anything, it made Toudou feel better that he'd been able to break through her stubborn front so easily in one night. He bit back an ugly yawn that threatened to slip past his lips, hand covering his mouth just in case the tense muscles there made him look weird. Without so much as a second glance, he stood from his seat across from her, the legs of his chair screeching against the material of the floor.

"Well, that's all I have to say," he commented. [Name] thought he was saying it rather loudly, but she assumed it was just the way he was. "I'm going to bed now. You should at least try, too."

"I think I'll stay here a little while longer." Raising her mug, she motioned toward him in a cheering fashion before taking a slow sip. The coco barely warmed her tongue; she'd need to run it through the microwave again.

Quirking a brow, Toudou eyed the drink she held in her hands. "You know, I'm pretty sure sugar before bed is a cause for nightmares, too."

[Name] rolled her eyes before the briefest of smiles played on her lips—it wasn't much, but Toudou felt glad that he could at least get her to smile once before leaving her alone again. "That's just something parents tell their kids so they don't get hyper before bedtime," she said dryly. As if to prove her point, she took a large gulp of her drink, nearly downing half its contents.

Toudou smirked at her answer, lifting a hand in a silent goodnight before turning on his heel to walk back down the hallway he had come from. [Name] watched him go until he was completely out of her sight. Counting to five, she figured he'd gotten far enough away from the dining room to the point where he would no longer hear her if she made a sound. A heavy sigh passed through her lungs and the smile slipped completely off her face as she turned her attention back to the open window.

She could already hear the owls returning for their late night snacks.

Extended Ending

With his footsteps as quiet as possible, Toudou made his way back down the familiar hall that would lead him to the room where the third years were sharing a sleeping space. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the night rather well during his time in the dining room with [Name] and he was able to see the obstacles that had troubled him earlier that night when he'd set out on his midnight investigation. The table that had tripped him up earlier, causing him to bite back some foul words, was crooked in its spot against the wall. He didn't feel like fixing it as he passed it by, instead frowning in its general direction as if he could make it feel bad. Ahead of him, Toudou could see the familiar stature of a green haired cyclist standing outside the room door.

"How is she?"

Makishima was tired. That much Toudou could tell. The bags under his eyes, though not as deep and heavyset as [Name]'s, accented his exhaustion, making him seem nearly double his age. His hair was a mess, tangled in places and sticking up in others after being subjected to his worried tosses and turns. His hands refused to stay still, fidgeting and playing with anything they could reach for whether it be the ends of his hair, the hem of his shirt, or even the inside of his pockets.

"I think she'll be fine." Toudou was honest, eyes glancing back down the hallway as if she could hear them right now. "But she needs someone to talk to." With a heavy hand on his friend's shoulder, Toudou gave Makishima a few reassuring pats. "Do what you have to." And with that, the dark haired climber slipped past his friend and into the room for some well-deserved rest.

Makishima stood stock still in the hallway, his shoulder still aching from how hard Toudou had pat him. He could feel his eyes furrowing, almost knitting together, as he looked warily down the hallway. The light that had been on earlier, flickering in and out at random, had been shut off during the middle of Toudou's and [Name]'s conversation and he wondered if that meant she'd be going back to bed soon. Maybe he should just wait until morning to talk with her?

"Do what I have to?" He muttered under his breath, still unsure where his feet should take him. "Damn it…"


End file.
